


bars suck

by kyballs



Series: every universe [3]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, M/M, marco saves mario from a dipshit, thomas drags mario to a gaybar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyballs/pseuds/kyballs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tall guy would not be quiet or leave Mario alone and it was getting uncomfortable. It freaked Mario out when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he was really hoping that it was Thomas but when he turned he saw it was some blonde guy with a sleeve of tattoos and a neck beard.</p><p>"Hey babe, you ready to go? You don't look so good." The man winked and Mario understood what was going on, he'd seen it in a TV show once or twice.</p><p>"Who's this now?" the tall guy asked.</p><p>"My boyfriend... Marco." he went off the name tattooed on the mans arm.</p><p>or</p><p>im pretending to be ur bff bc u looked very uncomfortable with that person at the bar hitting on you AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	bars suck

**Author's Note:**

> another quick little ficlet :)  
> reviews/comments are appreciated :)

It smelled like sweat and alcohol and Mario felt sick. He was a real lightweight, something he repetitively told Thomas when he was begging him to go to the bar with him. It didn't help that it was a gay bar and Thomas had completely disappeared.

So there he was, borderline shitfaced because of one bottle of beer and searching for Thomas. Mario figured he probably left after one really tall guy started hitting on him, considering he had a girlfriend and all. After giving up on the search for Thomas, a search for the bathroom ensued.

Mario honestly couldn't remember why he was friends with Thomas, he was sure he would be able to come up with actual reasons when he was 100% sober.

He sat down at the bar and asked for a water when the tall guy that was hitting on Thomas came up to him and started hitting on him. Mario was really in a bad mood and the fact that he felt like shit didn't help out the situation much either.

"Hey, I've never seen you here before."

"Nope."

"Recently single I'm guessing?"

"No." he would have explained to the guy that he chased his friend-and ride-out around 30 minutes ago but he didn't feel that the tall man was worthy of an explanation.

"Switch clubs then?"

"No." This guy couldn't take a hint, he felt sorry for anyone that had previously been with this guy, it must've been terrible.

The tall guy would not be quiet or leave Mario alone and it was getting uncomfortable. It freaked Mario out when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he was really hoping that it was Thomas but when he turned he saw it was some blonde guy with a sleeve of tattoos and a neck beard.

"Hey babe, you ready to go? You don't look so good." The man winked and Mario understood what was going on, he'd seen it in a TV show once or twice.

"Who's this now?" the tall guy asked.

"My boyfriend... Marco." he looked off the name tattooed to the mans arm.

"You could've told me you had a boyfriend before I wasted my time!"

"Honestly, even if he didn't have a boyfriend you would have been wasting your time." Mario stifled a laugh as he attempted to stand up, he needed help from the stranger pretending to be his boyfriend though. "Bye guy."

Mario was stumbling out of the club with the guy he assumed to be Marco. "Jesus guy, is there any alcohol left in there or did you drink it all?" the guy commented sarcastically.

"I had one beer."

"Hahaha, are you joking? You're a German!"

"I wish. I really don't feel very good though." with that Mario doubled over and almost puked on he guy's shoes.

"Goddamn kid, what a lightweight." 'Marco' said while still patting his back in a weak attempt to soothe him. "I'll walk you home, or if you have a car I could drive you."

Mario wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shook his head, "My ride ditched me."

"Looks like we're walking, stay conscious bud."

Mario continued to direct the stranger to his house, which was 20 minutes away by foot, and then he decided that he was worth knowing. "So is your name actually Marco?"

"Yeah it is, and yours?"

"Mario." Mario didn't like when it got quiet and he mouth pushed out the first thought his drunk brain could process. "So you're gay?"

"No, I just like to spend my time at gay bars saving people like you." Marco was a sarcastic shithead, something he would probably appreciate more when he was sober. "Yes I'm gay. i don't really know what I was doing there though, I hate all the types that go there."

"We have that in common." Mario was wondering what this guy looked like when he wasn't wearing his beer goggles, he looked like a weak 8 at the moment.

"A weak 8 huh?"

"Oh sorry." he was embarrassed that he was so drunk he couldn't think without speaking

"You almost puke on my shoes and I'm just a weak 8?"

"Beer goggles, you could really go either way."

"Well then, with no beer goggles on I would definitely be a 10." Mario was quickly growing fond of the smirk that Marco continued to do.

They made it to Mario's door soon enough.

"Mario, I'd like to get your phone number."

"What makes you think I'd want you to have it?"

"I saved your ass from the jolly green giant that was trying to eat you alive, you almost puked on me twice, and I ever so kindly walked you 20 minutes home only to have to turn around and walk 15 more minutes back to my house. I believe there is a saying along the lines of 'if i handle you at your Lindsay Lohan, I deserve you at your Beyonce', am I wrong."

"If I didn't feel bad about almost puking on you and your long walk back, you wouldn't be getting this."

"Oh I'm sure."

"Fuck you."

"Buy me a drink first."

"Do you want my number or not?"

"I'm sorry, I'll shut up."  After helping Mario inside, Marco put his phone number into his phone.

"Hope you feel better tomorrow Sunny, because I'll be calling you!"

"Sunny?"

"Goodbye!"

If Mario wasn't so drunk he was sure he would contemplate Marco and who Marco was, but he was drunk as hell so he passed out on his couch.

* * *

The pounding on his door woke Mario up at 9:53, he threatened Thomas with death when he opened the door, not letting him in.

"You left me."

"This big guy started hitting on me, I owed it to Lisa to resist temptation."

"Ew Thomas, the same guy started hitting on me and wouldn't leave me alone."

"Is that why you won't let me in?" Thomas winked suggestively and Mario had to resist the urge to go through with his previous death threat.

"You're gross that guy was a loser."

"So how'd you get away from him then?"

"A guy named Marco pretended to be my boyfriend and then walked me home."

"So is he why I'm not allowed in?"

"No. I'm mad at you that's why I won't let you in."

"So nobody is in there? That's the whole reason I took you out." The door shut in Thomas' face seconds later. Mario went back to his room to get some uninterrupted sleep, reemerging from his bed at noon to get his phone at noon.

 **im picking u up at in an hour for a late lunch so dont**   **eat anything -guess who**

Mario smiled and took a quick shower and got ready. A knock on his door came while he was searching for his coat and shoes.

"Good morning sunshine, you ready?"

"I just have to get my jacket and put some shoe on, come in."

"So, what am I?"

"What?"

"I guaranteed that I was a 10 without beer goggles, was I right?" Mario definitely agreed that he was a 10, he couldn't stop looking at Marco since he opened the door, he was gorgeous even with that atrocious neckbeard.

"Solid 3."

"Oh c'mon, keep that up and you'll pay for your own food."

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks fr reading guys :)


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